Chapter 1: How It All Started
Before I Met Him
Some background about me is important for understanding what follows. Before this story took place, I had spent two years dating exclusively with the intention of finding a long-term relationship. I tried every dating app available and even attempted matchmaking. I was abstinent and refused to engage in hookup culture; my boundary was clear, I would not sleep with someone who was not my boyfriend.
By the time I met him, I was jaded, burned out, and exhausted by dating. I had slowly begun to give up hope that I would find a college-educated partner whom I was attracted to, who was attracted to me, and who genuinely wanted to be in a committed relationship.
The First Date
My first date with Tim was on November 23, 2024. We met at Ozakaya in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn. From what I recall, I matched with Tim, who said he was 28, on Tinder. In reality, his name wasn’t Tim; it was Sherif. And his age wasn’t 28; it was 34.
Figure 5 Text messages exchanged after our first date, showing warmth and continued interest (November 23-24, 2024)
This was the first inconsistency that raised concern for me.
On our first date, he provided an explanation for the discrepancy, which I understood to be related to his job. I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt.
The date itself was wonderful. We worked in the same field, shared the same hobbies and interests, and both held graduate-level degrees. I was smitten. It felt like I had hit the jackpot. That same night, during my sister’s birthday dinner, I gushed about how excited I was after finally having a first date I genuinely cared about, something that hadn’t happened in two years of strict dating.
Sherif Rizk was respectful in his messages on Tinder, and we didn’t even kiss on our first date because of my old-fashioned beliefs.
Early Red Flags
We continued dating for three months, often meeting for lunch since we both worked in Manhattan. One day, I invited him over and asked him a series of direct questions.
Figure 6 Text messages exchanged during the early stages of dating, reflecting warmth, familiarity, and early emotional bonding (December 15, 2024).
Early in our conversations, I asked about his relationship history, including whether he had ever been married or had children. Based on what he shared with me at the time, I understood that he had never been legally married, though he described a past relationship in terms of a “spiritual marriage” connected to his religious beliefs. He also represented himself as Muslim.
When I asked about children, I was left with the clear impression that he did not have any. He did, however, speak about past situations involving pregnancies that did not result in him becoming a father.
At the time, I perceived these disclosures as open and candid. Nothing raised immediate concern for me, and I interpreted what he shared as a sign of honesty and personal growth. He was 34 and presented himself as someone who had learned from past experiences.
During one occasion when we were sitting together playing Cuphead, the conversation turned to his past, including legal trouble. Based on what he shared, I understood that he had been arrested at some point but had not served jail time. He also described an incident involving a physical altercation, which he framed as a response to being targeted with a racial slur, as well as another situation connected to his previous employment. He showed me a video that he indicated was related to one of these incidents.
That was the second red flag.
We spent more time together that night before I said goodnight. He suggested that next time he could bring over steaks to cook, and I replied that maybe we could make them at his place.
The First Breakup
The third concern arose during a night we spent at Ocean’s 8 Billiards. During that time, I was left with the understanding that I could not be invited to his apartment due to religious expectations around dating, as well as concerns about how his family might respond.
I was devastated.
As a therapist, I had worked with many clients who dated in secret due to interfaith or interracial relationships. I knew how painful and stressful that dynamic could be. I ended things with him shortly after. Everyone around me said I had made the right decision. My mother expressed skepticism about his explanation and had concerns about the nature of the situation.
But I missed him deeply. Because of my own experiences working with Muslim clients and communities, I believed his explanation. I reached back out to him.
Figure 7 Text message exchanges documenting the initial breakup and subsequent re-engagement, illustrating the cycle of separation and reconciliation early in the relationship (December 30, 2024–January 17, 2025).
Getting Back Together
We met again to talk about our relationship and what moving forward might look like. Based on that conversation, my understanding was that we would date exclusively for a year before I would be introduced to his family. I was also left with the impression that he would spend time with me at his apartment when his roommate was not present and that, over time, I would be introduced to his friends.
I was hesitant to continue the relationship. I sent him videos and articles about interfaith relationships involving Muslims, trying to communicate my concerns.
Figure 8 Text message exchanges illustrating repeated dismissal, deflection, and delayed responses after I raised concerns, contributing to a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt (December 2024–January 2025).
When the Abuse Escalated
I recognized the manipulation for what it was, but I didn’t end the relationship. This dynamic wasn’t unfamiliar to me. I had extensive experience working with and being involved with emotionally unavailable or emotionally immature individuals. What I had never encountered before was an emotional abuser.
My previous experience did not prepare me for what was coming.
On February 8, after four months of dating, with a two-week break in between, we were finally intimate. From that point on, the abuse escalated.