What Can We Do?
For People Who Are Currently in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Document everything
If you’re not ready to leave after the first sign of abuse, document and journal everything so gaslighting attempts can be challenged later.
Grey Rock and Yellow Rock
When responding to emotional abuse, try not to react emotionally in ways that invite DARVO accusations.
Popularized by trauma counselor Skylar Fisher, the Gray Rock Method advocates for becoming as uninteresting as a gray rock to deter narcissistic attention. This involves minimal emotional engagement, neutral responses, and an overall lack of visible reaction.
Unlike the Gray Rock Method’s complete emotional disengagement, Yellow Rocking maintains a veneer of friendliness. This approach involves keeping conversations light and superficial, responding with polite but brief answers, and maintaining a pleasant tone without deep emotional investment.
See a therapist and tell people about the abuse
This provides both documentation and emotional support during a very difficult time.
Make plans to leave quietly
Don’t announce your departure. When you have all your ducks in a row, leave silently.
Trust your gut
If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Trust your instincts and the perspectives of trusted loved ones.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time
There is nothing more to uncover. Some people have redeemable moments, but those moments never excuse sustained harm.
Get help
Get informed
Check the Works Cited
For more recommended articles, books, and videos
WORKS CITED
Bancroft, L. (2024). Why does he do that?: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. Berkeley Publishing Group.
Bliss, S. (2024, October 27). The yellow rock method: Navigating narcissism with compassionate detachment. Medium.
https://medium.com/@selfhelpchampion4/the-yellow-rock-method-navigating-narcissism-with-compassionate-detachment-dbe69f0fc9c8
Carnes, P. (2019). The betrayal bond: Breaking free of exploitative relationships. Health Communications, Inc.
Cuncic, A. (2025, October 28). What is triangulation in psychology? Verywell Mind.
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project. (2025, March 6). Power and control. The Hotline.
https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/
Freyd, J. J. (n.d.). What is DARVO? Jennifer Joy Freyd, PhD.
https://www.jjfreyd.com/darvo
Film Bilder & Friends. (2014, October 13). Nuggets [Animated short film]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo
Gupta, S. (2025, September 26). Understanding reactive abuse: Signs and solutions. Verywell Mind.
https://www.verywellmind.com/reactive-abuse-signs-impact-and-tips-to-break-the-cycle-7567483
Lahav, Y. (2022). Hyper-sensitivity to the perpetrator and the likelihood of returning to abusive relationships. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 38(1–2), 1815–1841.
https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605221092075
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9709555/
Lee, B. Y. (2024, July 2). How future faking can be used to manipulate you. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202406/how-future-faking-can-be-used-to-manipulate-you
Leno, M. (n.d.). What is stonewalling and why does it damage relationships? Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-matters/202409/what-is-stonewalling-and-why-it-damages-relationships
Marks, T. (2025, November 12). Why healthy love feels “boring” (The dopamine trap explained) [Video]. YouTube.
https://youtu.be/zWzjdl2dLjM
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Gaslighting.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting
Psychology Today Staff. (n.d.). Emotional abuse. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-abuse
Written by Fatima